If it airs, you must despair

He's back! Just when you thought television and publishing standards could get no lower, OJ has been given yet another public forum by his enablers in the media. This one is truly despicable. He has a new book titled, incredibly, If I Did It, Here's How It Happened. The book is being published by the shameless Judith Regan who will also interview the deranged lunatic in a two part special on the equally shameless FOX network. Everyone involved here sucks: OJ, the media, anybody that watches or buys this crap, and certainly any advertisers that support it. I'd guess that they won't find any, but I won't be too surprised (I've overestimated corporate ethics many times before) to hear some corporate lowlife that would support this bile. Say, like News Corp, the parent company of both FOX, and the publisher Harper-Collins? There is just no depth to how low this guy and his enablers will go.

Dirty Tricks from Fox News?

In case you have any doubt about Fox News' right wing bias check out this little "mistake" from Bill O'Reilly's show last night. This went on for quite a while apparently, with Mark Foley indentified as a Democrat in the crawl. Now, of course, anybody paying attention knows Foley is a Republican, but that's not the point. Fox News is all about the subtle manipulation of the ignorant masses. The people who hear the 10 second sound bite that reinforces their already formed opinion. Or hear O'Reilly simplistic black and white solutions delivered with absolute certainty. Then spout the soundbites back as their own opinions, without any understanding of the complexities of the underlying issues.

Now, I'm not generally a conspiracy theorist, but after what I've seen from the Republicans and Republican-sympathetic media the last few years, I would put nothing past them. It's like the fraction of a second ad saying Eat More Popcorn that was slipped into drive-in movies in the 50s. I could see this as just one more Karl Rove inspired trick to subconsciously make the Fox News watchers think Democrat when they hear Republican.

Christy, you're lying now

Now, I am an artist, but you don't have to be an artist to realize that the cartoonist who did the drawings for Christy Mihos' very funny Heads up Their Asses commercial, penned a pretty good likeness of Kerry Healey. From the hairstyle, to the stance, to the style of dress, it is spot on. Yet when he was questioned about the likeness in an NECN interview, Mihos, with a straight face, claimed that any likeness was purely coincidental, then uttered this exact quote: "The woman that did the animation wouldn't know the difference between Kerry Healey and Deval Patrick." Come on Christy! How dumb do you think we is. The funny thing is, even Kerry Healey is publicly buying his denial.

Now, I have nothing against Christy. A slightly off-kilter independent candidate makes an otherwise boring campaign fun. Just remember Ross Perot. And as far as negative campaign ads go, this is amongst the best ever. But give us a break. It's pretty obvious who this was targeting. Maybe the animator didn't know the difference between Kerry and Deval — until you stuck a photo in front of her, and said "draw the woman to look just like this!"

The Frontline Guy Sells Out

The narrators of investigative news shows play a great part in conveying either the seriousness or the trashyness of the program. Listening to Stone Phillips and Chris Hanson on Dateline NBC, for instance, you instantly know that the show is nothing but tabliod crap, and will stop at nothing for ratings. The overproduced narration with forced pauses, and all the gimicks to tart up any subject. William Hurt forcing a tear on camera in Broadcast News is child's play next to these guys.

Frontline is the opposite of these shows. It's really the only serious investigative news show on TV. And a good deal of the authority of the show is carried by the terrific narration of Will Lyman. His voice is so identified with that show that to hear it anywhere else, is just wrong.

But now his voice is popping up all over the place as the voice of BMW. The ads are in heavy rotation. They are pretty decent ads, and the guy can't be expected to make a living just narrating Frontline (although I guess he is an accomplished actor too). But somehow hearing that voice of authority sell a car dimishes it's impact next time you watch a serious subject on Frontline.

But you know what. Here's an irony of media in the 00's: I guess given the choice of selling out by doing a car ad, or selling out & going to work for a network newsmagazine, he did choose the lesser mode of selling out. Car ads are by far a higher art form than network newsmagazines. Hell, so is Cops.

How 'bout a war on drug ads

How can a country that locks people up behind bars for smoking a weed, allow drug companies to peddle every conceivable type of pill for every real or imagined condition to everyone from preschoolers to alcoholics. These ads are everywhere. A dozen or so in just about every magazine you pick up. During every TV show. It's the equivalent of peddling drugs on the streetcorner.

Instead of relying on doctors to advise their patients on what might be an appropriate medication, the drug companies now go right to the consumers. So the same people that are deciding that they are taking their family to McDonald's for the third night this week, and buying Coke by the gallon because the ad on TV told them to, are now deciding that their kid has ADD, and they need to get him some Concerta.

Sure they have to get a doctor's prescription, but I doubt that's very tough once they have decided themselves what it is they need. Kids are driving me nuts. They must have ADD. Let's call the doc and get a prescription. Popping a pill into your kids these days is just like giving them a Flintstones vitamin.

And what is with these names for drugs. They are all these made-up feel-good, focus group-tested bullshit names: Lipitor, Concerta, Levitra, Paxil, Zoloft...

These ads are crap, and should be banned. Doctors, not marketers, should be educating their patients. For you Republicans big on the free market, consider that a good deal of this stuff is no doubt marketed to people on government assistance who watch Dr. Phil, so it is ultimately being paid for by you.

Does Jim Braude really drink Carnation Instant Breakfast?

Isn't it funny how talk radio hosts in Boston just happen to have such personal feel-good relationships with their advertisers?

I like to listen to Eagan and Braude on WTKK while driving around at lunch time. Today, I get in the car and turn on the radio to hear what the topic is. Jim is all fired up about something. Some liberal crusade? Some sleazy politician? Nope. He's all excited about Carnation Instant Breakfast. He goes on for almost two minutes about how he drinks it every morning, and how it provides all he needs to start off his day. He couldn't live without it. He's not just reading ad copy, he's telling you something he really believes in, just as if it were a topic on his show.

On the way home, I learn that Michael Graham gets his carpets cleaned by Kennedy Carpet Cleaners. He tells us about how much he's learned about carpet cleaning techniques while rapping with the guys cleaning the carpets at his house. They even call him by name. "Hey Michael, this is how we get those carpets so clean. Come take a look."

And I've heard many times from Mike Barnicle about his "good buddies" at Lexington Toyota. He can talk for two minutes about how great these guys are. It's like getting a personal testimonial from your next door neighbor about Vinny at the corner service station, and what a great job he does on your car.

It's all such bullshit. I mean, obviously all advertising is bullshit, but this somehow crosses the line. These are guys people supposedly listen to because they are talking to you straight. Exposing corrupt politicians, or bad government policies. Yet in the next breath, in the very same voice and schtik as on their shows, they are selling you some completely bullshit testimonial about a product they've probably never used. They are all ad-libbed and delivered in first-person to sound just like the show.

I don't place a ton of authority in any of these guys, but Braude is pretty smart. Doesn't it take away a bit from his credibility to hear him segue so smoothly from a passionate defense of some liberal issue like gay marriage to a faux-passionate sales job for why he can't live without Carnation Instant Breakfast?

The Apprentice has Jumped the Shark

Many of you will find it odd that I ever liked The Apprentice, but for some reason I did. I ragged on my wife when she wanted to watch the very first episode, then became hooked on it. It's the only reality show I've ever watched other than the original Real World. And even back when I was REALLY an anti-business liberal, there was something about Trump that fascinated me.

So anyway, I've watched just about every episode (except the Martha version that was completely unwatchable). Every year, the formula becomes ever more transparent, yet I kept watching. There was always someone to root for, and someone to root against. In the beginning you actually learned something about business, and it was intriguing to see how really smart people in business made decisions.

But more and more it has just become about The Boardroom. Sure it's scripted as hell, but there was always some intriguing drama that would play out in the boardroom, and it was fun to see how Trump would react to things that unfolded.

But last night, it took me only five minutes to shut it off, and declare that it had jumped the shark. I couldn't even stick around to see how hot Trump's daughter was. It's so clear every year that there are at least a few goons put there by the producers just to annoy people and cause conflict. The fat guy in this episode is obviously the one this time. The show this week immediately devolved into a fight between him, and the obligatory blond bitch. I didn't even hear who was fired. I don't care. OK, I just looked, and it seems two of them were fired, and it was not the fat guy. Guess they need him for more conflict in later episodes.

But its not just the obvious manipulative casting. The tasks have become just stupid blatant ads for whatever client is paying for that week's episode. Trump's intro to the task is just a bad commercial. There is product placement more obvious than on The Price is Right. And the tasks show nothing about the contestants' business skills.

The first year, they would actually have to do tasks that would show how much business savvy they had. It was interesting to watch how things developed, where people made mistakes, where they made smart moves. Last night was some stupid text-messaging ad campaign to sell Gillette razors.

So it's over for The Apprentice. It will have to come off my Guilty Pleasures list. Now I'll have to be subjected by the wife to watching Supernanny. Expect a post on that soon.

TV Lawyers

These personal injury lawyers that advertise on TV are the biggest slimeballs going. The best known locally is James Sokolove. You see his ads mainly during the noon news, or during daytime TV. Targeting all the soap opera watchers. If I ever needed a lawyer he'd be the last guy I'd call. Looks like a dick.

They are ambulance chasers. Whatever the hot buzz is in the media about bad medicine or dangerous products, they are on the case. Asbestos poisoning, Vioxx, securities fraud. Anything you want to sue somebody for, they're there to help, collect their 33%, and add to the country's litigation madness.

Here's a website urging lawyers to advertise on TV because "TV advertising reaches people with serious injuries IN BED at home or in the hospital where they don't have access to the Internet or Yellow Pages." Gee how "equal-access" of you. Just dial 1-800-HURT-911. Very clever.

And here's an even better one. This may be related to the above. A blog about lawyer advertising. This post warns about the costs of redoing your billboard or other advertising campaigns if one of your partners is suspended or disbarred and you have to change your firm's name. It suggests that if you think you may have been caught doing anything wrong, you might want to hold off on advertising for a while. The post ends with "The moral of this story is that when advertising, always be on your best behavior and make sure that everyone in the firm is." Then I guess if you weren't advertising, you could behave as badly as you wanted?

I don't have much use for lawyers period, but these guys are the scum of the earth.

Come work for us (for nothing!)

As a freelance graphic designer with a pretty steady client base, I fortunately don't have to rely on the help wanted ads on Craigslist, Guru, and other job posting sites. Thank god!! I well remember the days of being a starving artist.

My first real job was is the art department of a certain alternative weekly newspaper. Well, actually my first real job was making signs for a department store, but I don't like to talk about that one. I'm sure one of my regular readers will fill you in on the clown mask I used to put on when I got home from that job it made me so crazy. SickOE, please keep in mind this is a public forum.

But anyway I digress. The newspaper gig was a great job and a great relief from making signs for toaster-ovens, especially for the partying and perks that went along with it. But I made shit. I think I made $12,000 a year full time when I started. The basic philosophy of the place was "this is such a cool job, that they should be paying us to let them work here." And it certainly worked for them.

That attitude is alive and well on the job posting boards today. Why pay for a professional to design your logo, when you can find somebody to do it for $250 bucks. It's really a depressing commentary on what the perceived worth of graphic design (and other creative work) is, if the rates offered for our services on the boards are any indication. Here is a sampling of what people think creative work is worth in Boston today.

• Magazine Seeking Artists and Writers Compensation: Selected articles will receive $20 for every submission.


• Need Outdoor Location Photos: There is no $ budget at all for this job. What we can offer is visibility and credit/advertising on the well trafficked site


• $100 to anyone who can paint/draw/photograph something cool.


• Corporate Logo Needed: Compensation: Less than $250 (This appears to be the going rate for a corporate logo on Guru.com)


• Drawings of famous philosophers needed (Nietzsche, Freud, etc.): Compensation: $30 per picture


• I need a student or someone willing to work for free/trade to design a rock star flash site for my business: Compensation: Not sure yet, maybe some food? coffee? small stipend? a hug?


• Seeking a design for our corporate logo, Timeline is one to two weeks, more if needed. We have already selected the colors, images and art for the logo (gee leaving a lot of creative to the "designer") Compensation: start at $160