A running rant about bad television, crappy products, horrible service, mindless politics, corporate and government ineptitude, moronic media, marketing overload, public idiocy, stupid entertainment, etc. Here's what's annoying me today:


Hosed again!

My wife has done it again. Heard some great and wondrous product advertised on the radio, and gone and shelled out 30 bucks for it, and left it for me to deal with it being a piece of shit.

This time it was this wondrous Liquid Lime she heard advertised on her garden god Paul Parent's show. So your lawn can be greener in two days rather than five. Never mind that our lawn is half dirt anyways. Of course it's obvious to me and anyone with a cynical bone in their body that behind every product hyped on any radio talk show is some type of payola deal.

So the stuff comes in this jug, with this little flimsy hose end adapter. The directions on the jug are completely unintelligible. Sort of tells you what area it should cover, but makes no mention of how the "convenient hose end adapter" works or how much to spray in any one place. And the adapter is a complete piece of shit. It doesn't even have a full set of hose threads to hold it on the hose. Just these little grooves, that barely hold it, even if you don't turn the water on or move the thing around at all. Turn the water on and it squirts out the back end all over you. After about a dozen tries, I finally got it to hold and not leak too much. I very cautiously made it through about half the back lawn, and then the piece of shit adapter let loose and soaked me all over. And it hadn't even used barely any of the stuff in the jug, so it doesn't seem like it was even mixing right.

I have no idea if the product in the jug is any good or not. Of course the wife will tell me to go spend another 30 bucks on a garden sprayer and apply it that way, but the fact that they would sell the shit as "just attach to your hose and spray" when you can't even get it to stay attached to your fucking hose, makes it more likely it will just be returned to the store. Actually it will probably end up stuck in the corner of the garage with all the other useless crap we've bought that doesn't work.

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Blogger Sick of Extremes said...

Crank. We have a Miracle Grow system and it's almost as bad. This one attaches to the hose and we used it once. The water is still in the thing from 2 years ago and has dissolved all the powder. What will happen if we blast our plants with concentrated Miracle grow? Dead, that's what. There's no way that thing will evenly distribute the stuff even when properly used. They all suck!

9:15 PM

Blogger Trustee of Truth said...

Is it the product or in your words "My wife" who's at fault. Do you really have the time to liquid lime? Did you forget to put down crabgrass control? It's too late now and do you know want? Crabgrass loves liquid lime! Your lawn will indeed be green this year. Green with CRABGRASS! May the good Lord take pity on your soul.

9:45 AM

Blogger Sick of Extremes said...

Is Miracle grow liquid lime in disguise?! I did not know this. It really doesn't matter because based on what I said above no, I do not have time to lime. Besides, that stuff was for the shrubs, flowers and whatever else the wife bought it for, not the lawn. It just looks pretty ominous, a dark green liquid sitting in there waiting....

Just to put you at ease, I did have time to do the Scott Plus two fertilizer on the lawn in the traditional granular form, walking back and forth. I got the stuff down and used my rainwater collection system to water a couple days later. Who knew we would get the deluge we had this week?! Grass is nice and green now except for those places where the salty snow was thrown.

5:23 PM

Blogger Cranky said...

I have gripes about fertilizer too. How come sometimes I buy the 5000 sqaure foot bag, follow the direction for my spreader, and have half a bag left over when I'm done. Other times I barely get through the front lawn and I have run out.

And another Paul Parent hype my wife fell for" Cock-A-Doodle Doo Organic fertilizer. He hypes this stuff all the time, so there must be serious payola there.
Here we got the 2500 square foot bag. Our front lawn is just about that size. Used the settings the store told us to, and barely made a dent in the bag. Opened the throttle all the way and went over it again (hey, it's organic, what damage could I do) and still barely got through a third of the bag.

Lawd does look great right now after all this rain, though.

12:28 PM

Anonymous pressure washer hose said...

Cool! I never knew about this product before, I also want to try that. Anyway. thanks for sharing this post. Keep posting.


9:31 PM


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